Category: Ad Campaigns

While the night sleeps in murky shadows and an old couple remains wrapped under the warming quilt, suddenly the mature clock, standing alert on the bedside table, screeches out loud to say… its 1am.

The old gentleman wakes up, fills a glass with water, walks across the bedroom into his gloomy balcony and pours the liquid down the parapet. He then walks back to his warmed up bed and slips into his deep dark slumber once again.

Two hours later, the clock screams yet again. Its three o’clock now. The grayed gentleman steps down his bed, carries the same glass brimming with water to the balcony and drains it down the parapet one more time. This is followed by his sleepy walk back to his “gentle waiting” bed.

Well, the story doesn’t close here.

Two hours later, the timepiece shrieks yet one more time…only to hint at the “dawning” morn. It’s five. Mr. Grandpa sits upright on his “waking” bed, fills up his glass with water yet again and repeats his actions religiously.

Hey!!! What’s wrong with this gentleman? Why does he keep waking up all the time to empty his water-filled-glass down the parapet?

Do any of you know the reason? No!! Well then, let Ad Pick unfurl the suspense to you…. This aged gentleman actually keeps pouring water onto the watchman down below. Why!!! Because the “nuisance” keeps dozing off at an interval of every two hours. After all, this primitive chap has to save his “only home” from all the “evil souls” that keep hovering around his sole abode!!!

Review: This ad, coming from the house of Rediffusion, is definitely an immediate hit…and why would it not be!!! After all, it catches upon the human “touch-cord” just right. All through the ad, nowhere will you hear a single jingle or voiceover struggling to state the obvious facts; there are no declarations given. There is only one single thought revealed… a thought that breaks into silent whisperings…a thought that blows into the viewer’s eye to say… “Don’t be afraid. Reliance is here to protect your home from all evils. Reliance is here to provide you with the best watchman you could have ever found…Reliance’s HomeProtect policy.”

The TVC is stupendously well-crafted and is definitely a visual retreat. Many times we have heard people say, “Action speaks louder than words.” This ad truly stands firm to re-endorse the statement.

Hence, this TVC is indisputably a true treat to all viewers. Hats off to all!!!

Agency: Rediffusion
Running time: 60 seconds
ITV rating: * * * * *

Well, it seems that Bollywood’s most versatile actor, Aamir Khan, has taken up a resolution to portray characters that are completely deviated from all forms of mediocrity and normality. At least that’s what the latest Tata Sky television commercial firmly stands to state.

The commercial showcases a bride and a groom (both enacted by Khan, mind you) under a huge word conflict on their wedding night. Reason???

Well, while the bride, Mrs. “NRI Khan”, aspires to get the best global DTH technology with UK’s BskyB, the groom, Mr. “Desi Punjab da Khan”, prefers integrity and trust over anything else and that can be personified only through India’s trust brand Tata.

Khan keeps juggling between his masculine and feminine self, while the squabble between the two halves continue.

However, after a heated row, the couple realises that their argument is completely futile. Why? Well, because with the marriage of Tata and Sky to form Tata Sky, they both get what they eventually want…trust and top-of-the-line technology, translating the fight into a win-win situation.

Review: Ok!!! Do you people know why this TVC was launched? No! Alright, let Ad Pick unfurl the secret to you.

Tata Sky is an amalgamation of the Tata Group and the Sky brand, owned by the UK based British Sky Broadcasting Group. However, since a lot of consumers believe that the word ‘sky‘ in the brand name implies to the satellite service that comes from the sky, Tata Sky decided to educate people about the brand origins through this campaign.

Ok, now that Ad Pick has unveiled the top secret to you, allow Ad Pick to also resolutely state that not only has the 70 seconds TVC succeeded is educating the consumers about the brand origins of the DTH service provider, but has also entertained the viewers with absolute effect.

Well, with Khan’s “pink and Punjabi versatility” endorsing the brand, education and entertainment had to go hand in hand. Don’t you think?

Three cheers to all!!!

Agency: Rediffusion DY&R
Production house: Aamir Khan Productions
Running time: 70 seconds
ITV rating: * * * *

Hey!!!

Did you know that Bank of India has appointed tiny little secret messengers to eavesdrop on all those clandestine financial worries that hinder aspirants from dreaming high and then whisper them into the Banker Uncle’s ear so that he can resolve all issues and help them reach the sky?

No!!! Well, you urgently need to check out the latest TVC on Bank of India. Not only does it talk about all those secret agents, but also unveils to you one.

Mr. Jasoos (messenger), the youngest member of the family, confidently and purposefully strolls into the bank to meet his Banker Uncle. He walks up to him and silently whispers into his mature ears the torrid arguments between his father and elder brother that reveal the problems in financing his brother’s college education.

On hearing this, Banker Uncle without more ado lands up at their “troubled” house to calm the situation, armed with the “elixir”; the “life saving” weapon…well, the ultimate education loan.

The boy‘s father is elated at finding the “perfect” solution to his financial worries. His son can now not only aspire to rise in life but also reach glorious heights.

However, there is but one question that keeps stalking Mr. Papa’s mind…how can his long lost banker friend come to such an immediate timely rescue of his when he had not spoken about his predicament even once to him!!!

Well, all of you know where the answer lies…right? It lies in that tiny “chota jasoos”, the little curious messenger, who keeps his Banker Uncle abreast will all the financial worries of his family so that Mr. Banker can come to his family’s immediate rescue.

Whoof!!! Finally the tension has been dispelled and laughter restored once again.

Review: This ad, coming from the house of Rediffusion/DYR, does not scream to reveal the product’s brand proposition; it does not bark out loud any of those inscrutable jargons of funky technicalities; it also does not inflict itself with any possible “power” syndrome.

The ad is absolutely about emotions…it’s about relationships; and that’s where the connect lies. Nowhere in the TVC will you find the product shouting about its “exclusive” qualities. Rather, you will only witness the “calm and patient” creative work silently enlightening the viewers with the “intentions” of the product…building life long relationships with its customers and saving them from all worries.

Well!!! No fire breathing stands, no funny lines – its what-you-see-is-what-you-get. After all, in a world that’s all about people connecting and sharing, why say no to lifelong relationships?

Agency: Rediffusion/DYR, Mumbai
Production house: Red Ice
Running time: 60 seconds
ITV rating: * * * * *

Are you adequately insured?

Is your insurance amount good enough to take care of all your future needs?

Do you treat “life insurance” not just as a mere tax saving and investment tool but surely something more than that?

NO!!!

Well, it seems that the K.I.L.B. virus has infected you too. Ok!!! Now, this is really serious. Please pay heed to what Ad Pick says. You urgently need to undergo a thorough checkup with Dr. Irfan Khan at Aegon Religare Life Insurance “hospital”.

What!!! You don’t know what K.I.L.B. is!!! Have you not seen the latest Aegon Religare ads where Dr. Irfan Khan talks about the dangers of this disease to the “infected souls” inside a “closed” elevator and a “running” train?

In these ads Dr. Khan educates the “victims” about K.I.L.B., an abbreviation that stands for “Kum Insurance Lene Ki Bimaari.” According to Mr. Doctor, the symptoms of this disease are seen in people who are “underinsured”. He explains that people who buy small things like groceries for daily use according to their need but consciously ignore to buy insurance for their future needs are highly inflicted by this illness.

To further confirm his statement with the “ailing lot”, Dr. Khan signs off by saying that taking less amount of insurance is nothing but defeat as it does not solve the very purpose of “insurance” anyhow.

Well, now you know why Ad Pick wants you to visit the doc immediately?

 

Review: There was a time when life insurance was bought not to save one’s family from uncalled for “disasters” but to save one’s ass from tax paying. However, now it seems “times are a changing”.

Through these newly launched ads, conceptualised by Contract Advertising, Aegon Religare wanted to inform, educate and impress consumers about life insurance. Well, Ad Pick must say that the ads are really impressive. Unlike other “insurance” ads, these ads have a different brand proposition altogether: UNDERINSURANCE. This is because Aids or cancer kills only the infected person, but “underinsurance” kills the entire family.

Wow!!! What an IDEA!!!

Ok! Now let’s come to the most impressive element of the Aegon Religare life insurance ads: Dr. Irfan Khan. Not only does Dr. Khan’s candid talk and expressive manner attract viewers’ attention unarguably well, but his core presence alone manages to hold on to the eyeballs of these viewers till the very end. When a TVC is produced, it‘s very necessary that the characters chosen for the TVC are absolutely appropriate…and Irfan Khan’s supreme natural gestures only qualify him further to be chosen for the Aegon Religare’s Life Insurance commercials.

Well done Contract!!! Definitely good work.

Agency: Contract Advertising
Production house: Apocalypso Filmsworks
Running time: 45 seconds
ITV rating: * * * *

Hey, don’t you think its just time to don a new look!!!

Don’t you think its just time to “reflect upon your reflection” once again!!!

Don’t you think its just time to see a new you wink back, only hinting to churn out those high voltage rock notes that were once so easily formulated when your younger fingers hit the strings so hard!!!

Don’t you want to fly high like that pilot who flies so smooth across the ink blue sky!!!

Don’t you want to wear that long king’s robe and rule the universe Alexander style, holding the “wooden sword” that you once carved out from an almost rotten bark when you were a child!!!

Oh come on!!! Its time to be born…born again. Its time to look at your new reflection everyday; to allow the “new you” smile in a gleeful way.

Even Aamir Khan suggests the same in his new Titan TVC.

Aamir is always ready to explore and express a newer side of him and he asks you to do the same. He wants you to drop by that unknown destination; he wants you to make mistakes and not learn from someone else’s. He wants you to live new roles everyday…he wants you to be born everyday.

After all, you are not a definition that Google can throw up in a jiffy. You are also not a term in Oxford Dictionary’s word list.

Review: Well this Titan ad, coming from the house of Ogilvy & Mather, certainly relives Aamir’s TZP philosophy…live life everyday; be born everyday…love yourself everyday. Nowhere in this ad do we get to hear inscrutable jargon of funky technicalities. It’s about emotions and our basic desires and how Titan is a part of every moment of yours when you want to look beyond yourself.

Through this TVC, the company wanted to make the customers look at Titan as a brand with a deeper connect in their life. It wanted to infuse the product with a new burst of energy, energy that will take the brand and the category away from the traditional dilemmas like modern v/s traditional. And surely Ogilvy & Mather has done a fantastic job at reflecting that theme through this TVC.

It not only has hit upon the busy and monotonous lives of all individuals just right, but has also infused the Titan range into the ad very intelligently and impressively.

Of course, Mr. Brand Ambassador and his natural attempt at portraying the simplicity of the idea is definitely an add on. There are no fire breathing stands taken by Aamir in the ad. Its only simple talk, so simple that at some point all viewers realize how complicated one’s life has become.

Three cheers to all!!!

Agency: Ogilvy & Mather
Running time: 60 seconds
ITV rating: * * * * *

It‘s a quirky world full of inscrutable clients, unrealistic deadlines and unpredictable bursts of energy, advertising is.
Presenting tongue-in-cheek peeks at life in media as it exists in India. We would also welcome such and similar thoughts that you would like to see featured in this column. Feel free to pen in your own take to admadworld@indiantelevision.com.

Management by cliché – In modern corporate times of increasing cut throat competition, diminishing margins and ridiculously tasteless office attire; it is sometimes only the words of the leader that are expected to thrill the innermost depths of employee souls and invoke inspiring action. However, when these words are diffidently strung together at short notice and shamelessly recycled from those used in vastly different situation before, then the organization has as much chance of progressing as the plot in a reality show does, when the announcement of the winner needs to be made….

“To lead is the task of a chosen few, even when they seem to have no point of view”

The hushed Chinese accent, the express delivery of the tea cup and Chai-La (the mystical Chinese tea boy) had vanished into the ardently bellicose fonts of ‘The Art of War’ book that adorned the lobby mantelpiece in the agency.

The entire agency was gathered in what could be kindly called an adaptation of a ‘town hall’ meeting. Everyone was speculating as to what the President would talk about, these were trying times for the agency as business was not in the best of shape and there were rumors floating that a large worldwide agency was soon going to take it over. Floating, until someone burst the balloon that had this rumor maliciously written on it, as the balloon dropped to its untimely demise, the President entered. The pallid corpse of the balloon kindly dropped on his head in a monumentally rare example of bursting the bubble even before speaking.

The President was dressed in military gear, like a lavishly pot bellied, obviously drunken General of some sad army that was likely to desert at the stroke of war. He clicked his heels and stood to attention. Then, with a felicity that did not become him, saluted his employees. They all stood stunned by the turn of events. Not because of the sudden authenticity of his salute, but because that sudden knee jerk action had caused his costume to ride up parts of his anatomy rather awkwardly. Parts that could not have been discussed with innocent minds in the vicinity

“Sir, I think you’d better relax.” said Vikas (Ram’s boss), vocalizing the unspoken desire of the entire audience for once. The President looked at him querulously. Vikas with dexterous eye movements indicated that the problem was ‘down under’. An embarrassed realization ‘pricked’ the President into a more relaxed pose.

“Ask not what you can do for your office; ask what your office can do for you.”

Murmurs started to emerge at the back, the correlation of that statement to drug overdose was being examined. Vikas again went up and whispered something in the Presidents ear.

“Well, I know it was the other way around,” boomed the President, “I was just trying to get your attention, and it is an old technique great public speakers use.”

“This chap should be called cliché Kumar,” whispered the old cynical hand in Ram’s ears, Tanya (the cute art person) giggled much to Ram’s chagrin.

“He gets so lost when he needs to address everyone at times like these that he keeps mixing things up,” the old cynical hand continued, as Tanya began to indulge him beyond Ram’s tolerance levels. “You will hear a lot of ‘we need to work like a family’ and ‘we need to be more risk taking in our strategy’; I must have heard this at least twenty three times before. He must have a whole library of these old lofty sounding generalizations.”

The President by then was in fine form and had worked up quite a head of steam.

“I know that today we are threatened, but every great civilization and culture has gone through similar times. Look at Egypt, Greece, Sparta, and Rome. It’s when we work together during moments of such crises that bonds forge themselves that look at problems and say ‘break us if you can, even all your might will not be enough’. In fact this is how we will create greater cutting edge work that will win more awards.”

The audience clapped, firstly because agencies are conditioned to react a certain way whenever they hear the word ‘award’ mentioned, and secondly they needed some relief from the inebriated decibel levels that their chief was reaching. Vikas quickly moved up again and enlightened the President again.

“Yes I know I said that last line in a different context and when I was talking about a different problem, but many times problems are there because we lack a certain fundamental level of ‘core’ values and perspective. Let me ask if there is any young person here who is so clear enough about our culture that he can come up here and speak. It’s only when young minds volunteer for tasks like these that we can come up with winning solutions to any problems. After all it’s in the mind of the young that possibilities lie, and when there is possibility there is always hope.”

“I have heard that one only fourteen times before, how original,” quipped the old cynical hand in typical ‘back row’ mentality, purely for the listening pleasure of people in a five feet radius around him. Tanya giggled again, Ram felt slightly more jealous.

“A volunteer, I need a volunteer,” enquired the President of his troops

These cases usually resemble situations in which goats have been asked, by reasonably democratic zoo authorities, to step forward in the scientific spirit of adventure and risk entering the lion’s cage with the noble aim of exploring what is meant by the ‘lion getting his goat’ at a purely grammatical level. The goats understandably find their own anatomy to be the more pertinent subject in question and hence seldom willingly accede to the cause. Homo sapiens quickly replicate the successful survival behaviors of the other species hence it was hardly surprising that no one seemed keen to humor the President.

Until

“That’s great, just the initiative I wanted to see young people in my office taking. Come up young man!” An elated President was welcoming some poor sod

Ram was scouting around to see who this idiot could be, when he had the strangest sinking feeling of people looking his way and smiling, further examination of his body revealed his hand had risen to dangerous heights that it had never aspired for before, courtesy the old cynical hand. The culprit was sporting a depressingly evil grin, like his targets for the entire year had been magically met. What hurt even more was the uncontrollable laughter bout that Tanya had got herself into.

There seemed to be a time and space accelerator at work, because in the blink of an eye he was up there facing the entire lot of one hundred people. Post his college days, Ram had rarely presented at office, especially given his level in the hierarchy, worse still, he had absolutely no clue about the subject in hand

“When lack of knowledge makes you want to look, you need not go any further than the nearest book.”

The essential riddle and the tea cup came in a flurry of insight as Chai La disappeared into a stream of co relation subroutines on a nearby computer.

“Hey! How did the tea cup appear in you hand?” asked the amazed President, “Anyway I must remember not to drink so much, the stage is yours, young man.”

He gallantly stepped in little to the side in true military fashion, high marching his way to a position five feet away. The histrionic distraction gave Ram enough time to collect his thoughts before the audience attention would return to him.

He sought books, the first one that caugjht his eye on the mantelpiece was ‘The Art of War’, Ram knew what he had to do, for once Chai-La’s conundrum made sense

There was silence. The Ram began. He knew he needed a good starting line

“Every battle is won, before it is fought.”

The silence grew even deeper; the President was stunned, then he began clapping as did the rest of the audience, the crescendo rose, Ram felt a feeling he had never quite experienced before, he felt confident. His eye began scanning the other books on the mantelpiece, thee were quite a few, maybe he could pull this off

“Today this is even more important because we are in a situation where we need to thrive on chaos.”

Rapt attention, then thunderous applause, Vikas’s jaw had dropped to an all time low, Tanya had an interestingly admiring look in her eyes….

“And we need to establish a culture that will help us isolate the mega trends that will govern the market, such that no competitors action can ever be a future shock to our clients,” Ram was on a roll now, the audience was lapping it up, the President had a kind avuncular look on his face

“In fact there are no bad soldiers, only bad officers,” the moment he said that, Ram realized that he had got it very wrong.

Pin drop silence. The President looked at Vikas. Everyone wanted to look elsewhere.

“Meeting dismissed, see me in my office Vikas, we need to talk about where our younger people, who have no sense to know otherwise, are getting their king sized egos from?”

Vikas gave Ram a look that meant problems later. The rest of the audience vanished like they had received urgent emails from their chairs who were feeling rather jilted just then.

Ram stood alone on the battlefield.

“Not everything can be done by the book; there is trouble to be had if you leap before you look.”

The tea cup appeared again at lightning quick speed as Chai-La disappeared into the cover of a music CD on Vikas’s table. It read ‘Appetite for destruction”

Ram knew what was coming.

The writer is an independent strategic & ideation consultant. He is also the patron saint of Juhu Beach United, a football club that celebrates the “unfit, out of breath media professional of today.” You can write to him at (vinaykanchan@hotmail.com).

(The views expressed here are those of the author and Indiantelevision.com need not necessarily subscribe to the same)

Imagine….

She is just back from her shopping spree. She rushes towards the apartment, when the watchman says that her husband has already arrived from office.

Happy and delighted, she dashes into the kitchen to prepare those two “romantic cups” of tea, to be sipped by two beloved souls amidst the soft evening breeze.

While watching the water gurgle inside the “hot burning pot”, she calls out to her Sanju; alas, no response. She calls him up on his mobile. Yes!!! It’s ringing; she can hear it. Can he??? She finds his mobile sitting upon the sofa set looking “grey and grave”.

She can hear the water drops “kissing” the bathroom floor. She steps onto the bathroom tiles, hoping that she will find him there. Sanju’s absence is conspicuous here too.

She flees; flees across her “sweet home” space with her heart pounding loud; maybe skipping a beat or two. And then she enters the terrace, only to find…

the soft whispery breeze combing through Sanju’s hair while he silently rests on his easy chair allowing the radio frequency to murmur the “latest” songs into his head phone-corked ears.

Woof!!! What a relief!

Ok!!! Let Ad Pick tell you that this is no imagination at all. This is the Max New York Life Insurance TVC, coming from the house of Euro RSCG.

Review: Great philosophers always warned that no trouble knocks at the window before sneaking through the pane. So, better be alert.

Max New York’s TVC also follows similar lines. It asks you to be alert. It asks you to be watchful; to be insured. After all, even accidents never knock at the door before dropping in.

The Max New York Life Insurance ad is built entirely on suspense; and not once does that suspense break its clue. Thus, there is but very little chance that the ad goes avoided, at least in the first go.

However, here comes the flaw. Just like many suspense thrillers, this ad too tends to loose its charm with repeated watch. Accordingly, the chance that the TVC gets to create an impact amongst the targeted group is highly numbered.

Yes. The ad does have an impactful punch, specifically because of the suspense theme embedded into it. But for how long does that impact remain amongst the marked assemblage, is a question that can be answered only by the Max New York life insurance agents. After all, it’s only they who know the exact number of policies that’s been sold by so far.

However, Ad Pick surely believes that the TVC is above average, if not par excellence.

Not bad Euro RSCG.

Agency: Euro RSCG
Running time: 45 seconds
ITV rating: * * * *

It‘s a quirky world full of inscrutable clients, unrealistic deadlines and unpredictable bursts of energy, advertising is.
Presenting tongue-in-cheek peeks at life in media as it exists in India. We would also welcome such and similar thoughts that you would like to see featured in this column. Feel free to pen in your own take to admadworld@indiantelevision.com.

The interrupters – a clan found in great abundance across society today. These people have an age old personal vendetta against the completed sentence. They take great umbrage when someone manages to sneak one past their intrusive dispositions. Normally, however, when at the top of their game, having any one of this species present in your office is considered extremely bad for grammar and punctuation in general and even worse for blood pressure levels.

“To complete a spoken line of thought is a privilege that is elusively sought”

The express delivery of the teacup, the hushed words of wisdom and Chai-La (the mystical Chinese canteen tea boy) had disappeared amongst the pages of the unfinished book that Ram Shankar had been carrying.

Mr. Bose (the client) had come over to the agency office to introduce one of their new foreign collaborators. It was not meant to be a meeting or briefing of sorts, just an informal introductory session in Vikas‘s (Ram‘s colorful boss and the business head) room where Mr. Interrupto would meet the team he would be interacting with over the next few weeks.

The agency team was there in full strength, from the servicing fall guys, Vikas and Ram, to the creative director PP (of the outrageous moustache fame), even Dharti (the curvaceously crafted strategic planner) and Planimus (the gladiatorial media planning chief) had been quickly scooped out of their chairs, at short notice and had been bundled into Vikas‘s room to complete the line up.

Mr. Bose, as he often was prone to, chose to address the huddle as if they were the last blokes standing in between Hannibal and Carthage.

“My team,” he began in a tone that was decidedly harsh on the eardrums and sensitive minds, “we are gathered here to welcome Mr. Interrupto, our new partner from across the seas, let us begin by hearing from him about his life journey and then…”

Mr. Bose‘s opening remarks were cut in full flight by a rather polite but decidedly assertive clearance of the throat which the uninitiated would probably have erroneously classified as a cough.

“Ah beg pardon Bose sir” began Mr. Interrupto, in a tone that was soft but had the chilling undertones of a nascent dictatorial spirit.

Everyone looked at him in awe, because no one had ever interrupted Mr. Bose in the middle of his opening remarks. It was the same as trying to stop a Sherman tank with a cactus plant, an extremely thorny issue.

Mr. Bose, however, knew he had to be courteous as these investors were bringing in money by the truckload. Mustering his politest expression he amicably addressed Mr. Interrupto
“What did you have in mind?” asked Mr. Bose, sporting a ‘smile‘ that would have made Mona Lisa‘s expression far more discernable.

“Let each of them step forward and introduce himself.”
“Surely, you don‘t mean step forward,” began Vikas beginning to break into a garish smile which Mr. Bose killed with an instant fluttering of the eyelashes. The rest of the team caught on, evolution in the corporate world does teach you a thing or two.

“In my culture, it is considered respectful to the guest when the host party does that” answered Mr. Interrupto mirroring a somewhat nostalgic twinkle off his spectacle frames.

“And we can start with you; who seems to be the captain of the team.” Vikas stepped forward, puffing his chest to such an extent that it began to develop autonomous horizontal ambitions

“My name is Vikas, I head your business and am responsible for client servicing…”:

“Beg pardon Bose Sir” interjected Mr. Interrupto, just as Vikas was going to hit the higher octaves, “In my country only inefficient businesses need a client servicing function, it‘s just a waste of manpower.”

Mr. Bose quickly motioned Vikas to stand down, and the next person to step forward. PP couldn‘t help indulging a smirk.

“I am Dharti, I head the strategic planning function, and in today‘s challenging market environments it‘s essential to …”
“Beg pardon Bose Sir” intruded Mr. Interrupto, even as his twin pupils did a lightning quick world tour of Dharti‘s sublimely contoured anatomy “I don‘t want any strategy head on my business, strategy is a military term and I come from a peace loving culture.”

Dharti‘s eyes lit up with a captivating rage (from Ram‘s perspective) but Mr. Bose and Vikas gestured her to let it pass.

“My name is Planimus and in today‘s complex changing media environment, I endeavor to provide media solutions that…”
“Ah! What a guy!” cut in Mr. Interrupto, “Just the person who will get me passes for all those media parties, I have heard so much of your parties and what happens in them, you wont disappoint me, will you?”

Planimus, felt like pulling out his sword and cutting off vital organs of this ‘introduction interrupting imbecile‘, but years of wisdom had made him more prudent in self expression. Also he hadn‘t carried his sword that day. He merely smiled in consent and receded into the background.

PP stepped forward, twirled his moustache a bit and began
“I am PP, creative director of the agency…”

“Beg pardon Bose sir”, quipped in Mr. Interrupto, “In our culture, people use their full names when introducing themselves, those who cant take pride in their own names, can never do anything on our business. Also where I come from twirling one‘s moustache so aggressively is considered as a signal used by men of ill repute to solicit commercial fornication.”

“Why you?” boomed PP, but a widely grinning Vikas quickly spirited him outside the room, after the inevitable explosion of expletives; they were both in, in the amazingly efficient time of only two minutes – A new agency record for these interventions.

Mr. Interrupto regarded the team with a calm expression, like he was gathering with great effort and furious sifting, the absolutely perfect words to choose for introducing himself.
Then he stood, sensed his environment, as if the elements were trying to goad him into something spiritually magnificent and started “Thirty years ago, when there was abject famine in most parts of my country, my father had an idea that would forever make the lives of people stricken with misfortune better. In the little cave in which we were huddled, as we were contemplating where our next meal would come from, he found on one of the walls of the cave a divine inspiration…”
“Beg pardon sir” an honest voice interrupted quickly transporting the occupants of the room out of the cave.

All faces were automatically yanked in the direction of the sound byte and the concerned eyes rested on Ram Shankar.

“We had not completed all the introductions from the agency team, mine was still remaining.”

Mr. Interrupto faces exploded with an uncontrollable rage, his nostrils themselves could have qualified as weapons of mass destruction.

His evaluation of Ram quickly reached him to the conclusion that he would fall in his own eyes if he directly addressed him. Turning to Mr. Bose he began in terse sentences set to the tune of the incessant banging of the table.

“How dare he interrupt me when I am speaking? We don‘t even encourage underlings to be in the same room, I have taken this as a personal insult, we will think about investing in your company.”

Mr. Interrupto turned and left the room. Mr. Bose felt like someone had just taken his wonderfully completed exam paper and chucked it out of the window just as the call for time ensued. He followed Mr. Interrupto out of the room almost mechanically. Vikas shot a ‘you are in big trouble‘ expression Ram‘s way and then hurried towards damage control.

The others patted Ram‘s head rather affectionately, spoke a few kind words about character and bravery and then left the room. Ram sat down and sank his head on the table.

“Never interrupt a client‘s boss, unless you are prepared for total loss” Ram felt the tea cup and forlornly looked up just in time to see Chai-La disappear in the TV frame which displayed the age old legendary caption ‘Sorry for the interruption.‘

The writer is Vice President, Rediffusion DY&R. He is also the patron saint of Juhu Beach United, a football club that celebrates the ‘unfit, out of breath media professional of today‘. You can write to him at (vinaykanchan@hotmail.com).

(The views expressed here are those of the author and Indiantelevision.com need not necessarily subscribe to the same)

It‘s a quirky world full of inscrutable clients, unrealistic deadlines and unpredictable bursts of energy, advertising is.
Presenting tongue-in-cheek peeks at life in media as it exists in India. We would also welcome such and similar thoughts that you would like to see featured in this column. Feel free to pen in your own take to admadworld@indiantelevision.com.

The trophy spouse: – Natures way of balancing things. A shameless modification of the law of conservation indicates that beauty and brains must exist in two separate corpuses and only when they come together in the holy union of matrimony is societal equilibrium achieved. However the process of conducting business callously, does create fissures that contest this stable state.

“Ah!” started Vikas, with a satisfied grunt. “There is nothing quite like sinking your teeth into a new business, the possibilities it offers at an intellectual level, the challenges it throws our way everyday…”

“Look I know we are standing here aimlessly waiting,” butted in PP (the creative director of the exaggerated moustache fame). But that does not mean we need to be subjected to your verbal diarrhea.”

Vikas felt a surge of anger running through his ice cool veins and then discovered the ice cool veins were as a result of being a touch too close to the AC vent.

Dharti (the strategy head) shot a glance at Vikas and that seemed to calm him down. Ram (the last man standing usually) noticed the ‘moment‘ that happened there with a faint tinge of jealousy. Ok, admittedly it was much more than just ‘faint‘.

PP, Vikas, Dharti, Sarita (Vikas‘s external organ but otherwise at Ram‘s level) and Planimus (the gladiatorial media planning head) were huddled in the lobby in an endeavor to welcome the new client at the agency doorstep, albeit the wave of internal cynicism that from there, ‘it would be progressively all downhill.‘

The president had wrangled this one completely on his own, apparently on a flight, just as the plane reached Mumbai, but then expectedly struck the ‘circling malaise‘.

“When others went around in circles, I took the straight and narrow and closed the deal,” the president had informed them on a triumphant conference call, with typical modesty.
As the cheers had erupted in the office, he added further, “They will be visiting our office in a few days, as I will be away on vacation. I expect you guys to handle it.”

“No problem” jumped in Vikas, “we are on it”, with the earnestness of a male beaver building his bridges during the mating season.

“One more point, they always move as a couple and the thing to remember is that the person who influences things is the …”

Cheers erupted in the office again as the customary round of spirits made their rounds in glassware to seek resonance with those in a more ethereal form. The president had hung up at the other end.

“What did he say?” queried Ram in his customary diligent manner.

“Nothing, he just said, one member of the couple is more the influencer, and we all know who that will be.” Vikas had dismissed Ram‘s innocent query with typical disdain.

As they stood in the lobby with bated breath, the elevator doors clicked alive and out strode the couple in question. The man was of such breath taking aesthetic endowment- that a small puddle of saliva began developing near Dharti and Sarita‘s feet.

The lady was bespectacled, pleasant looking with rather forthright hair. Ram noticed there was a little something about her that eluded immediate quantification.

After the usual round of hand shakes and a rather overzealous ‘air kissing‘ extravaganza, all the concerned were quickly transported to the conference room.

“There is always more than what meets the eye, sometimes appearances can truly lie.”

The express delivery of the tea cup, the trademark wisdom pearl and Chai-La, the mystical canteen tea boy, had vanished into Sarita‘s mirror as she examined her lipstick alignment, the turbulence causing her to smear her face a touch.

“Excuse me” she murmured like an embarrassed virgin, ‘touched for the very first time‘ and bashfully retreated to more private quarters temporarily.

Ram paused with pen in hand, as always, waiting to record the monumental events that were afoot. At least that‘s what he told himself to make the onerous task of capturing discussions in meetings seem more meaningful.

“What is the business that you are in?” began Dharti, with her eyes transfixed on her handsome new client. “Mr Henpecker, that‘s quite a unique surname I might add.”

The hunk beamed back at her, a trifle embarrassed, while his better half replied.

“Actually it‘s my house name. Adam and I met when I was the chief guest at some event where he was walking the ramp. I fell for him the moment he turned around and strutted back,” she patted his hand fondly at that moment, “so I sought him out backstage and after the usual things that happen, proposed to him. He has been with me ever since, my faithful, loyal husband. He even changed his surname to mine, isn‘t that sweet? Most people actually think he runs the company, fancy that. But then, as the meetings go on, they realize who wears the trousers. By the way I‘m Helen.”

There was a silent murmur in the room. Nobody quite knew how to react.

“Of course, very magnanimous of him and all that,” said Vikas, for once speaking to the relief of all from the agency, even PP was a touch stumped at that moment.

“We are launching a range of swings in this country,” began Helen, suddenly in a tone that would have caused many sea faring captains to change their course.

“They are unique in the sense that they can be programmed according to mood. If you are in a bad mood, the swinging momentum is reduced and as your mood picks up, so does the oscillation of the swing…”

“In fact, it can be said that we take care of your mood swings,” butted in Adam.

Ram chuckled. The others were about to laugh when they held back their expressions as they spotted the severe look on Helen‘s face.

“There Adam,” she mildly reprimanded him, running her hand through his impeccably set hair and toying with his earlobes, “leave this to me, I am briefing them, aren‘t I?”

Adam smiled back sportingly and the other women in the room instantly began dreaming about running around trees with him. Sarita actually had a look that would have forced censor boards to review what was permissible as far as meeting room fantasies go.

Helen‘s trained eyes detected rival affections with the focus of a women‘s kitty party group, finding the discount corner in a superstore.

“Adam, why don‘t you show Sarita the cool windscreen wipers on our new car and also get the three magazines I was reading,” she ordered with queen like authority.

“But…” began Adam, and Helen firmly pressed his hand. He stood up and smiled Sarita‘s way. She was only to glad to be with him, wherever that would be.

“Vikas,” said Helen, “I don‘t want that girl on my account, is that understood? I don‘t want her back in the room.”

Vikas thought about complaining, but found his mind, tongue and other faculties in some sort of grip that wasn‘t his own. He merely texted Sarita that she wouldn‘t be needed in the meeting anymore and promptly switched off his cell.

Adam returned with the three magazines. Helen cursorily took them from him and flung them aside. Ram thought he detected a hurt expression in Adam‘s eyes.

“We need the agency to firstly devise a brand name, something that would really capture our product in a favorable light and make consumers aspire to possess one…”

“What about web swinger?” jumped in Adam, “our product has something to do with the internet, so that should certainly ring true.”

A room full of blank expressions stared back at Adam, most of them kindly.

“Adam,” Helen explained, with almost condescendingly avuncular patience. “Consumers can only place orders on our website that‘s standard for most businesses today. The internet is in no way integral to our product offering and this is the third time I have told you that.”

Sensibly no one from the agency troubled the air waves at that moment.

“We need a brand name, a logo and a slogan,” continued Helen, “that should start things off nicely; we can discuss the campaign deliverables post finalising these.”

“What about, ‘we swing both ways for you‘, for the baseline? I think that will be really cool,” Adam quipped in, again with optimistic exuberance.

Years of heartburn has taught agencies that silence is a great ally at times where unpleasant marital emotion menacingly lurks and this learning has been transmitted through the collective DNA of almost every advertising agency in the world.

To cut a long story short, nobody again replied from the agency side.

“Adam, we are trying to sell a swing, not some erogenous enabler,” erupted Helen, slapping her man on the wrist, her intelligent eyes blazing with the ‘shame‘ that her spouse was so passionately bent on causing her.

Adam stood up, all of six feet three inches, washboard abs, bulging biceps and wafer thin waistline. Helen instinctively started stroking his back.

“You never listen to any of my ideas. I feel so worthless around you, you are so insensitive,” he blurted, choking back some tears.”I am going down to the car,” he announced and with the speed of an athlete, trying to get away from the smell of his own socks, exited the room.

Helen cast an understanding smile on the audience and followed suit, telling Vikas as she left the room that she would connect later.

“What an idiot!” began Vikas.
“But a very hot one,” chuckled Dharti.
“I pity him,” remarked Planimus.
“I think he is smarter than we give him credit for,” was PP‘s contribution.

They all left the room, leaving Ram to clear up.

“It is common knowledge from Cairo to Rome; it takes more than two bodies to make a happy home.”

The hushed oriental tone, the express delivery of the tea cup and Chai-La had disintegrated into the Yin-Yang poster on the wall.

One of the rare times when the quizzical rhyme was not lost on Ram.

The writer is an independent strategic & ideation consultant. He is also the patron saint of Juhu Beach United, a football club that celebrates the “unfit, out of breath media professional of today.” You can write to him at (vinaykanchan@hotmail.com).

(The views expressed here are those of the author and Indiantelevision.com need not necessarily subscribe to the same)